So I actually had fun this weekend! I have "fun" every weekend because I consider not having to work or do anything annoying for money or a grade FUN but that would be what I consider "passive fun". I had "active fun" this weekend heading to a party on Saturday. Granted that caused a headache on Sunday, but nothing a couple multivitamins and some OJ couldn't alleviate.
Also I had the good fortune to have 60 bucks to blow and bought Fallout 3. I know I'm probably behind the curve but when the game came out I was too damn busy to spend the time warranted to justify the purchase I could, at that time, not afford. So yay for me, and it was worth it because Fallout 3 is effing awesome. So that pretty much sums up my weekend, yet I am being lazy.
What sucks about me being lazy is I usually eat poorly too. That doesn't bother me as much as I've been losing and gaining the same 5 pounds for a month now. Done with that crap for good. I have a schedule that allows me to work out EVERY day and I will in some form, whether it's just a run, or the tri-weekly muscular blowout followed by a nice protein shake. I'm determined to slim down not only for my wedding but primarily for the honeymoon. I've always been one to hesitate taking my shirt off. I'm not overweight in the least, just not trim or built in any way that I would like to be. So this is a mission for me and I know I'm dedicated enough to complete it.
On the wedding front, we're all set save the ring bearer and flower girl, who's families are taking too long for comfort deciding whether or not they can come to the wedding, which apparently didn't stop them from booking hotel rooms. But with that aside, everything's going according to plan.
THAT IS THE PROBLEM FOR ME! #***#*#*** Epiphany! sadfjweioaf CRAP! I'm excited!
I just realized why I fail or don't follow through on things!
Okay here it goes --- I HATE Routine. I hate Schedule. it is immensely helpful to my life, but I hate it. You know why? because it NEVER FUCKING ENDS. Straight up, that's my problem. I see my life as an endless string of monotonous routines to accomplish goals that will only be replaced by more goals and that I will never plateau or reach a point where I can stop worrying about those things and truly live, so I GIVE UP halfway though as a way of rebelling against the seemingly pointless routine that is my life! But the REAL PROBLEM is that I WANT to accomplish my goals, I want to finish things I want to better myself, I just overwhelm myself by over thinking and thinking way to far ahead, depressing myself for no particular reason because my future is what I make it, and I'm fucking it up by thinking I have no control therefore dooming myself to laziness and failure. NO MORE! I understand the challenge and problem and I can stop thinking that way because I know it's consequences far too well.
Wish me luck!
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